Saturday, 14 January 2012


Hello, there are two reasons for my being absent from blogger for the past month.

The first is that during the winter break, my cousins came from all around the world. Okay, so just Amreeka, Canada and Isloo, but still.
the reason they all came was because one of my cousins was supposed to be getting married, but then didn't, and then everyone still wanted to come so we had a giant family reunion. ALL of my first cousins from my mother's and father's sides were here save two.

The cousins. We are a female dominated family.

We went to the beach, to Manora and the lighthouse, crabbing, Port Grand, a few lunches and dinners, all in the space of two weeks. My father woke all of them up every morning and forced them to come with us for the walk. Some of them are early risers, but it was funny seeing the others' grumpy faces at being woken up before the sun. And we did all this in less than two weeks. The rest of the time we sat around talking, eating, and lying down/sleeping.
Half were living at my house, and the other half at my Nani's next door, so it was ALWAYS loud and somewhat hectic. It seems so weird without anyone here now. almost eerily quiet.
I miss them.

The second reason, which you probably guessed, is college applications.
Guess what? i wrote ALL of my essays. I don't feel like they're the best writings I've ever written, but oh well.

I'm annoyed . The first teacher I asked for a recommendation disappeared off the face of the earth, so I asked a second, who was plain lazy and said he would but never wrote it, so I told a third my situation and she said she would write it for me. But she STILL hasn't uploaded it. I want to send it today because the deadline's tomorrow. But she isn't replying to any of my emails. She had told me she would upload it THREE days ago. I hope she sends it soon.


I feel so torn right now.

There's this one college in America that I want to go to. It's a liberal arts college, which I love, because I don't want to be restricted to studying just one thing. Even if I know I want to major in psychology. I want to try studying other things I've never learnt about before.

That's one of the reasons I don't want to study here. that, and Pakistan doesn't have brilliant Psych programs to begin with.

Yesterday, when I went to my Nana's house, he asked me why i was applying outside of Pakistan. he said that I should just go study in Lahore because then I'd be able to come home WAY more often. He looked SO sad when he said it, too.And every time there's an ad in the newspaper about a psych course some uni is offering here, all 3 of my grandparents show it to me, and say "yahan par itna acha hai, dekho."

I felt so bad at the thought of abandoning them I nearly cried. i know they have my sister and the rest of my family, but I also know that they really want me to stay. I can't just leave my family.
I know my parents don't want me to go abroad either. But they'll let me if I want to. Which I do. But I feel awful about wanting to go.

Khair, I'm just not going to think about it after my application is gone. I will worry about it if I get accepted. which is a long shot in the first place.Though I don't really want to go anywhere else. :(
I feel like I'm going in circles.
but the only way I can stop worrying about it is if I send my application, and the only way I can do that is if my teacher uploads the recommendation. WHY WON"T SHE? I'm getting increasingly agitated. my head hurts.


  1. I want to major in psych as well!

    I think you really should go abroad.

  2. You're lucky to have a family who want to keep you close, but you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to leave the nest and experience life outside Pakistan. You could always use Skype to keep in touch with them.

  3. The family reunion sounded fun. :D I've never had that happen since my parents never bother attending relative weddings (plane tickets cost way too much).

    I hope your teacher gets you that recommendation. I mean seriously, this is college you're applying for, not some run-down factory.

    What liberal arts college is it? There are too many here. :P

    Psychology is a great degree to pursue. It's totally gonna pay off if you get it. I would've gotten it, but my mom loathes the subject, so I'm just taking Psych for fun in high school.

  4. Family reunions are aweeesome!

    I remember I always wanted to do psychology as an A-level but my school never offered it :(. Ah well.

    As for the leaving, you can skype, and mail and write letters. It's a learning experience for both you and your family. Yes it'll be hard to get used to, but you will.

    All the best unti pulti :)

  5. Me: Psych is awesome :D
    You should. then we'll discuss brains together. :p

    Gorilla Bananas: I know I am. I have friends who can't wait to leave and if I ask them "what about your family?" they're like "meh."
    I don't get it.

    Beyond Timid: It wassss. That sucks. Maybe you and your cousins can meet up yourselves without the parents when you start earning yourselves. Some exotic type place. That'd be fun.

    SHE WROTE IT. She emailed be JUST when I was about to go to sleep saying her internet hadn't been working. I was SO relieved. and thankful.

    Why does your mum hate it? Does she not think it's an actual science like sheldon?

    Nas: They aree :D
    schools suck :p
    what do you study now?
    yeah, but it's still all the way across the world, you know?
    I'll end up where I'm supposed to end up. I've sent my application, now I'll just see if i even get accepted.

  6. I lovve Family reunions. My family is female dominated too. I don't have a single male cousin of my age :/

    About the Psych; it's totally your choice. With Skype and the other social stuff you can never feel really away from your family and friends. All the best! :)