Monday, 30 January 2012


I'm kind of in shock right now.
I was in school and I walked up to my friends, who were sitting on a bench, talking to a girl i'm kind-of friends with.
They told me to congratulate her.
I hugged and congratulated her, and then asked why.
My friend told me she was engaged.
I rolled my eyes, laughed, and said "Seriously, why am I congratulating her?"
They said they were serious.
I looked down at the friend we were talking about. She nodded her affirmation.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, probably looking like a fish.

Fail fish. LOL.

Then I congratulated her again and hugged her again, because I didn't know what else to do. She didn't seem too happy about it.
She told us a funny anecdote about the ring not fitting because her hands are so tiny. Even though she had given a ring for measurement. Apparently, it was an adjustable ring, so the jeweler got the size mixed up.
I didn't ask her all of the questions racing through my head because i thought it would be awkward seeing as I don't know her that well. And since she seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

I asked my other friends later though, the ones who were sitting with her. They're really good friends with her.
Apparently, this guy lives in Scotland.
She's never met him before save one Skype "date"
She's going to have to move there. And study there.
He's twenty four. I know the age difference will seem less extreme in a few years, but right now, he's just...old.
The worst part? She doesn't want to marry him. But her family won't listen to her.

(If you are a Scottish-Desi, I apologize.)

She looks so young! she looks as young as I do. I've been told I look like I'm in the ninth grade.
She's only 18. That's not old enough to get engaged! She's just a kid.
There are people in my grade who have gotten engaged at seventeen or sixteen, right after O levels. There's one girl who's married already too. I was shocked to hear about them, but this is just really different.
Because I don't know them. And because she doesn't have any say in the matter. She's just resigned to her fate. It's what's most upsetting.

Disregard this. It will only bore you.

This is for me, so you don't need to read this. Because when I blog about things, it always makes me feel better.

I need to stop omegle-ing. Because I'm strangely addicted to it. And because I can't stop thinking about the people I meet on there.

I met a girl from Taiwan, who taught me about tennis, and taught me that Nadal is basically the best tennis player on the planet. She was pretty awesome. She made me promise that I would remember her whenever I watched a tennis match (which is unlikely, but still.) so I'm writing this here so I don't forget to remember her.
then I met this boy from the UK, Alex, and we talked about ESP and stuff, and he was really cool and weird because he likes helping people with math homework. But i love weird people. I thought it was pretty cool his name's Alex, cuz I named one of the characters in my story that.

I also met three people who really really ended up depressing me.
The first was someone who said that he had three years to live. I was pretty skeptical about this, but this person kept saying it was true and told me stuff about his/her life, and I got really really upset because (s)he said (s)he wouldn't live to see his/her 19th birthday. It was probably a combination of extreme sleepiness and being so sad for him/her that I started shaking, and I couldn't stop. Because it was a really sad story he told.
I'm still not sure whether it was the truth or not, but it still upsets me.
The second started off like a normal conversation, and then she said I'm lonely cuz my boyfriend's gone, and I asked why, and she said he'd gone out with his best friend to celebrate his birthday and she was babysitting the best friends daughter because there was so much stuff happening and his wife died. and it was just really really sad.
The third was a girl who told me she was raped when she was younger and ran away when she was 14 and lived on the streets and now basically lives a double life. Its sounded really strange, like something out of a fiction novel, not real. but she seemed really sincere. It sounded as if she was just venting.

I met all these people in just two days. When I was talking to them, I just felt so unbelievably upset and guilty because its not fair that i have the life that I do and they don't and it was just all terrible luck. I prayed for all of them, even if they don't believe in God.
has anyone else met people with awful stories on Omegle, or is this just God trying to show me how grateful I should be for my life? because I am grateful. Extremely grateful.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

And I didn't find anything nice at Zainab market either.

I feel sad. it's a really stupid reason to feel sad, but I feel sad all the same.
Today, I was bored, so I, being the loser that I am, went on Omegle.
There were there swarms of usual perverts and idiots that I kept disconnecting. I started talking to this one person about music, but then my computer acted stupid and disconnected. I was disappointed, but I kept saying hi to a few other people because was just THAT bored. Then I found this one person, and we started talking about My Girl. The song, and then the movie- which I haven't seen- and I really liked talking to him/her. But then my mum called me because I had to go to Zainab Market with her, and I had to leave.

Something in my stomach doesn't feel happy since I disconnected . It's probably because this person loves Pixar movies and mythology about as much as i do, and has the exact same (lame) sense of humour that I do. No one I know has the same sense of humour as me. Most people just roll their eyes when I make a joke.

Me telling my friend the most hilarious joke on the planet. And no, I don't have any friends that are awesome enough to have purple hair. 

Oh and he/she is Australian. I have this fascination with Australia. It just makes me really sad that I'll never get to talk to this person again.
Yes, i know I'm stupid, thankyouverymuch.

I get really really really creeped out whenever someone says "asl?"
I always imagine some fat old creepy pervert leering at the screen, and I always disconnect then.

Saturday, 14 January 2012


Hello, there are two reasons for my being absent from blogger for the past month.

The first is that during the winter break, my cousins came from all around the world. Okay, so just Amreeka, Canada and Isloo, but still.
the reason they all came was because one of my cousins was supposed to be getting married, but then didn't, and then everyone still wanted to come so we had a giant family reunion. ALL of my first cousins from my mother's and father's sides were here save two.

The cousins. We are a female dominated family.

We went to the beach, to Manora and the lighthouse, crabbing, Port Grand, a few lunches and dinners, all in the space of two weeks. My father woke all of them up every morning and forced them to come with us for the walk. Some of them are early risers, but it was funny seeing the others' grumpy faces at being woken up before the sun. And we did all this in less than two weeks. The rest of the time we sat around talking, eating, and lying down/sleeping.
Half were living at my house, and the other half at my Nani's next door, so it was ALWAYS loud and somewhat hectic. It seems so weird without anyone here now. almost eerily quiet.
I miss them.

The second reason, which you probably guessed, is college applications.
Guess what? i wrote ALL of my essays. I don't feel like they're the best writings I've ever written, but oh well.

I'm annoyed . The first teacher I asked for a recommendation disappeared off the face of the earth, so I asked a second, who was plain lazy and said he would but never wrote it, so I told a third my situation and she said she would write it for me. But she STILL hasn't uploaded it. I want to send it today because the deadline's tomorrow. But she isn't replying to any of my emails. She had told me she would upload it THREE days ago. I hope she sends it soon.


I feel so torn right now.

There's this one college in America that I want to go to. It's a liberal arts college, which I love, because I don't want to be restricted to studying just one thing. Even if I know I want to major in psychology. I want to try studying other things I've never learnt about before.

That's one of the reasons I don't want to study here. that, and Pakistan doesn't have brilliant Psych programs to begin with.

Yesterday, when I went to my Nana's house, he asked me why i was applying outside of Pakistan. he said that I should just go study in Lahore because then I'd be able to come home WAY more often. He looked SO sad when he said it, too.And every time there's an ad in the newspaper about a psych course some uni is offering here, all 3 of my grandparents show it to me, and say "yahan par itna acha hai, dekho."

I felt so bad at the thought of abandoning them I nearly cried. i know they have my sister and the rest of my family, but I also know that they really want me to stay. I can't just leave my family.
I know my parents don't want me to go abroad either. But they'll let me if I want to. Which I do. But I feel awful about wanting to go.

Khair, I'm just not going to think about it after my application is gone. I will worry about it if I get accepted. which is a long shot in the first place.Though I don't really want to go anywhere else. :(
I feel like I'm going in circles.
but the only way I can stop worrying about it is if I send my application, and the only way I can do that is if my teacher uploads the recommendation. WHY WON"T SHE? I'm getting increasingly agitated. my head hurts.