Tuesday, 13 September 2011


What wonderful weather. It's been raining nonstop since last night. It only just stopped now. school was cancelled, which I was immensely happy about. i still haven't finished my physics homework, despite the added holiday. But that's because the man gave us SIXTY questions. I cannot do sixty physics questions in one go, especially not at home with the rain outside. I attempted two, out of which one I didn't understand. I also ate pakoras. yum.
This rain thing is really weird for september though, and there was SO much destruction, and the streets are completely flooded. 

The weather is nice and cool right now, but i just went to take a shower, and it was SO COLD, i waited for 20 minutes for the water to warm up a bit but it never did, so i just dumped to ice cold water on my head. It was awful. My brain is now numb due to the coldness.

I also (finally) watched Bol, and I cried and i cried and I cried, and I felt really light after it ended. it was such a wonderful movie and I've been wanting to watch a crying movie for a really long time now. I love crying movies. Seriously, if you haven't seen it, you must go watch it.
It is movies like Bol and Khuda Kay Liyey that make up for the disaster that is the Pakistani film industry.

Ooh this reminds me of a forwarded text message that i had gotten:
Lollywood ending of Titanic:
Shan swims on to shore dragging Meera with one hand and the Titanic with the other.

It made me laugh.

I started writing a story on fictionpress, which was a really bad idea, because it's the only thing running through my mind right now and when i talk to people I start thinking what one of the characters would reply, or think "that sounds like something this character would say!" and i really want to write another chapter but i won't let myself because it will be bad for me, and i have four tests this week and all the uni applications to worry about. I am such a stupid.

Everything is ulta.
I thought it was the 8th, but my computer tells me it's the 13th. This means i have way fewer days than i thought to complete the forms and hand them in by the deadlines.
I also am completely bamboozled by the Common-app forms. Why does America have to make everything so difficult?

The A1s have officially infiltrated the school. Its awful cuz now there are so many people it makes it hard for anyone to even move around. They are everywhere, taking up space and clogging up arteries. I bump into a minimum of ten people a day.

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to drive. I had joined a driving school, where this woman would come to my house in her battered up bechara sa old car, and she would take me out in the middle of traffic and tell me to drive. I was always in the far left lane though.
I got the hang of driving in that car cuz the clutch kept getting stuck, so the car didn't stop sudden;y if i let it go to early. I tried driving in my dad's car afterwards but it kept stopping.
I'm sure i could figure out how to drive properly if i practiced, though.
but that's not the reason i won't ever be able to drive properly. the main reason is my dunderheadedness.
whenever i drive on a long stretch f road without traffic, or if i'm stuck in traffic and not moving, I eventually get bored and start looking at billboards, and eventually get lost in another imaginary world with pixies and fairies, and then suddenly the driving instructor grabs the wheel or brakes(it's a good thing she has brakes on her side of the car too ) and I remember i'm supposed to be looking at where i'm going.
My biggest fear is what would happen if i was driving at night on fourteenth august or 12th Rabi-ul-Awal, with all the lights and stuff everywhere.

My birthday is in a few days. I have no desire to turn eighteen. i love being seventeen. it's the best age ever. not that i have lived long enough to be making a fair judgement on that.
If i turn eighteen, i have to get my ID card, and i officially get my learners permit, and eventually my drivers license,  and i could buy alcoholic drinks in some countries(not that i would) and i would also be able to vote. again, not that I would, but still, the pressure's there ya know? And most importantly, if i turn 18, I'll legally be an adult.

Notice that I said "if."
I don't intend on turning 18 anytime soon. I'm going to run away to Neverland and never come back. I've already memorized the address, it's easy enough.
"Second to the right and straight on till morning."
I can't wait to meet Peter, we're gonna be best friends, and he's gonna teach me how to sword fight, too.

And best of all, I won't have to deal with this college nonsense, or the first years, or the a levels, or the SAT, or  my friends nagging me to have a birthday party when i don't want one.

So if you don't hear from me again, it's because Neverland doesn't have computers.

 I laughed about this for ages after i saw it. Whenever I would think about it i had to try to contain my giggles so people wouldn't look at me strangely. I don't know why. Maybe it's the added fact that I understand something math related that makes it so funny for me.

Friday, 2 September 2011


hello. :)
yes, I know it has been about two centuries since i last posted or even read anyone else's blogs.
My brain and i aren't on speaking terms with each other right now, even though it's not my fault. The stupid thing doesn't listen.

Ever since school started, the only thing i have been thinking about is university applications, becauuse my college counselor will NOT let me forget with her long threatening emails and scary notices and final deadlines.

I had to write a resume. I have never done that before in my whole entire life, and it was a pretty daunting task. i figure I should have done more stuff in the past couple of years, cuz i really didnt have that much to write about. 

After i gave it in (on the last possible day) i realised i had left out a couple of things that i hadn't thought were important but my friends say were. (like being able to understand and speak a little gujrati) there was a whole other slew of things too. I had to ask teachers to write recommendations. I love my language teacher, so I asked her immmediately, but i had no clue who else to ask. i could ask either my physics or psych teacher or math teacher from last year, but they didn't really know me that well. My psych teacher doesn't know anyone, not even her own advisees(she's a counsellor, im glad i dont have her) and my physics teacher kinda knew me from when i got good grades, i think, but i was advised against asking him, and my math teacher.. i talked a lot in his class, so my psych teacher it was. I'm not too happy with that decision, but oh well. I just hope she looks in her records or whatever and sees that i have good grades.

Then there are the forms. there are so many forms. I hate filling out forms, it's so scray, because i keep thinking i'm going  to write something wrong. i have to keep checking my passport for how my name is spelt, and how my middle name is written. it's terrifying. plus, i've got the worst handwriting in the universe, and being nervous while writing only makes it worse.but you know, all of the above would be so much easier to handle if i had a sure idea of where i wanted to go. 
Since i was little, it was always NCA, in lahore. but that was when i wanted to be an architect. I want to be a psychologist now, but there aren't a lot of good places on pakistan for that. there's bahria, and KU, but i don't wanna stay in karachi, i feel like i need to learn to be independant. I am the most dependant person i know. I want to wash my own clothes in a washing machine, and put them in a dryer, and stuff. i've never done stuff like that before.

There is always BNU, in Lahore, which is good, i guess, since ive wanted to study in lahore forever (even though i've never been there) but it's a really new college, and i don't think it's very good for psychology.

THEN i decided to apply abraoad (which is the reason behind all the forms and deadlines and resumes that are killing 

me) My mum didin't want me to go elsewhere at all at first, but then shhe said its okay if iu apply, and then she said MAYBE i could go, and now she doesn't even say that anymore. So i'm pretty sure i'd be allowed to go. I just hope i could get a scholarship of some kind. most of the stupid schools don't even offer financial aid to international students.
My original choices were america, canada and the uk. (generic, yes.) 

At first, when I gave the toefl, i was really excited about canada. 
but then i started looking at universities in the uk and fell ion love with Bath university(my friends made fun of the name) and UCL. But then i suddenly got really scared and started freaking out about the uk, because i've never been there before, and it was scary thinking about it. In the end, i decided not to apply to the uk, because im a chicken and it was too scary and i didnt have family there and the UCAS was one less thing to worry about.

but the US is the country that is driving me insane. I HATE COMMONAPP. 
also, i have no idea where to apply. there are so many places and its so CONFUSING!
I decided on two places in minnesota, cuz i like it there, (even though i have no idea how i'l survive the cold if i end up going there. I can just barely stand Karachi winters, and they're not even cold.)

I am not entirely happy with my choices so far. I'm sad.
And i've just realised that i want to apply to the UK again, despite the extra forms, but I don't know if i'll be allowed, cuz my counsellor is so scary. I'm afraid to ask her, cuz she'll just say, "Deadlines.. should've decided before... I told you to research in the summer.. Bubblebutt.. blah blah blah."

And now i want to go to Spain, too. and learn Spanish. I've always wanted to learn Spanish, but in this gigantic city, i couldn't find even one place that would teach me. so i want to learn in university. but my parents said no to going to Spain, so i want to go someplace that has a study abroad program and teaches Spanish, too.

AND i'm giving the SAT in November, and i haven't even started studying. There's no way i'm getting a good score in that. I should probably just not even bother with the US.

I can't wait till all this application business is over. my life will be easier.
but then i'll have to decide where to go (if i get in anywhere that is). if i go to lahore, i'll get to be closer to home, and come home for eid and stuff, and fast with other people who are fasting.
no matter what people say about lahore being completely different from karachi, it can't be as different as a whole other country.
i know i want to be independent and all, but i don't know if i can be THAT independent, and live away from my family and home for so long. 

If i decide to study out of pakistan, where will I get chilli milli and crunchies and malteasers and bhutta and halwa poori and kachoris and aam paapar and chicken tikka and all of that delicious stuff? and how will I live without chicken? It's practically the only thing i eat. you don't get halaal food everywhere. I CAN"T LIVE ON VEGETABLES. 
and how will I keep my rozas if no one else is? It takes various people yelling at me and practically being shoved out of my bed for me to be able to wake up for sehri. How will I do that if there's no one to wake me up? and how will I remember to pray without the azaan? half my namaazes are prayed qaza anyway.
And HOW will I get my eyebrows threaded? 
and what will i do if i have the sudden urge to speak in urdu, and have no one to speak it with? or what if i can't remember how to translate an urdu word into english and it's a life-or-death situation? 

uff, i'm so confused. I want an epiphany about the perfect college for me. then i want to get in to that college. how do some people know exactly where they want to go there entire lives? wait, i used to be like that. why did i suddenly decide to change my career path. I hate myself. 

Wow, If you read through all of that, you must be incredibly bored by now. apologies.



is it sad that this was saved for last?

I hope all of you have a wonderfully marvellous eid. or had, seeing as it's almost over.

It's so strange that Ramzaan's over already. I have to keep reminding myself that i'm finally allowed to eat. But i'm really sad ramzaan is over. It's my favourite month. 
maghrib ki azaan is so disappointing now that there's no iftaar anymore.

My family and i are going to thatta tommorrow. Nice break from Eid milling. I'm not a very social person, and the only fun thing about going to other people's houses and sitting uncomfortably is the eidi.

I'm going to have an onslaught of tests as soon as eid is over, but i haven't studied anything.